7 Research-based Effective Parenting Techniques

Children’s basic needs are to be loved and accepted by their parents or caregivers for who they really are. They need to feel valued, listened to and respected. Furthermore, children need to feel supported and understood by their parents when they face difficulties in life. At the same time, children need to be disciplined and learn how to behave socially at home, within the school, and within the community.

Children who are treated with love and respect and taught how to behave appropriately develop healthy self-esteem and genuine self-confidence. They also develop social and emotional skills that enable them to work well with others and within society. These children can reach their fullest potential within school and later in life and become successful in all areas of life.

The wise parent is willing to learn and practice effective parenting techniques that will encourage children’s sense of responsibility, increase their self-confidence and strengthen the relationship with the child. Here are 7 research-supported parenting strategies that you can start doing right away so that your child understands the difference between socially appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

You can also learn more about emotional development in early childhood here. 

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1.Listen Attentively

When your children talk about things that may bother them, acknowledge their point of view and their feelings. Let them know you have heard them and understood them. It’s also important to help your children to label their feelings accurately. For example, you may say: “It seems that you feel sad because your best friend didn’t come to your birthday party.” Remember that children as early as two years old can be taught to identify accurately and express verbally basic emotions such as happy, angry, sad, scared, joyful etc.

2.Communicate Effectively

Good communication is key to a good relationship with your children. When you speak to your children, it’s important to come down to their level, looking lovingly and directly into their eyes. It’s also important that you send clear messages about your expectations. The specific words you use to your children are important, but it’s not merely a matter of what you say, but how you say it. Subtle, non-verbal cues, registered through facial expression, tone of voice and body movements, convey more powerful messages to your child than the actual words themselves. It’s crucial that your non-verbal cues (your facial expression, tone of voice, body movements etc.) are congruent with your words. If your words don’t match your body language, the children will pick up on and trust your non-verbal cues. Even very young children, including infants, are able to notice the mismatch between what you say and what you really mean. This is because human brains are attuned to perceive and accurately decode the nonverbal messages, even and perhaps especially, where these contradict the words. In other words, non-verbal messages speak louder than words. Therefore, it’s crucial that in interactions with your children, you’re able to show consistency and congruence between your verbal and non-verbal messages. Hence, it’s vital that you’re mindful of your own thoughts and feelings at all times and aware of your body language while verbalising your thoughts and feelings.

3.Praise Your Children

Praise your children for their efforts, not only for the results. When you praise them, be specific and honest. It’s important that you praise their behaviour, their work, or something specific they have done. For instance, you may say: “You were very helpful today when you helped me with…” Other positive things you might notice include giving a turn to the sibling, being considerate to others, using kind words to their friends, doing beautiful homework, or simply trying something new. It’s not enough to say, “You’re a good boy/girl,” because it’s a meaningless generalisation that overlooks the key point. However, “You spotted that litter and got it straight into the bin. You’re a very helpful child. Well done!” – recognises character, vigilance and specific effort.

4.Give Children Choices

Give your children the opportunity to make choices regarding issues that affect them, such as choosing appropriate clothing (which dress or shirt to wear). This helps them feel that they have power and control over their choices and decisions, which nurtures self-confidence. It also encourages independence and shows that you have trust in them.

5.Establish Clear Rules

Know that it’s in your children’s best interest to have clear rules that are consistently enforced with love, respect and warmth. At the same time, allow for sufficient flexibility to accommodate specific situations.

6.Spend Time Alone with Your Child

To build a positive and meaningful relationship with your child, it’s important to spend some time alone with your child. Psychological researchers recommend spending at least 1 hour a week with each child. During this time, you need to show genuine interest and engagement in their play. Avoid teaching, correcting or offering alternative perspectives.

7.Take Care of Yourself First

Taking care of yourself makes you a better parent. We must give love to ourselves first before we can give love to others. Therefore, it’s crucially important to meet your own physical, mental, social and spiritual needs so you will have enough energy and motivation to meet your children’s needs. Don’t forget to take time to exercise, maintain your hobby and connect with your partner and friends on a daily basis.

Further Reading

For more useful parenting tips and research-based strategies, you can get the age-appropriate step-by-step program for building social and emotional skills, 72 Research-based Activities for Teaching Social and Emotional Skills by Dr Snezhana Djambazova – Popordanoska, MD, PhD.
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