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Self-concept is a general term used to refer to how someone thinks about oneself, evaluates or perceives oneself. Based on this self-created image of yourself, you might be overly concerned about what other people think about you, how they see you, and whether they like you and accept you as you are or not. Unfortunately, in this way, you cannot see the accurate picture of yourself and the real beauty within. Hence, you cannot love and accept yourself the way you really are. Instead, based on this self-view acquired during emotional development in your early childhood, you have learnt to present yourself in the outer world in a manner that’s inconsistent with your authentic self. Consequently, this constantly creates an inner conflict within yourself, resulting from the internal fight between your false self-image and your true self.
The self-concept is confusion in identification. It’s a wrong-minded attempt to perceive yourself as you wish to be rather than as you are. Therefore, you’re confused because you’re uncertain about who you are. There’s a fear arising from your false sense of self that you’re not loveable. This fear leads to a sense of inadequacy –that you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not rich enough, not successful enough. In its roots, this sense of inadequacy is a learned unworthiness. It belongs to a false self-image that you act out until it becomes too painful to maintain.
For tips on how to overcome fear, click here!
There’s only one sin in life, and that’s allowing yourself to become someone else based on others’ beliefs and opinions of what you should be. Many of us convince ourselves that others’ opinions are right, even if they contradict our own actual experiences in life. Not willing to prove our teachers in life wrong, we would rather believe that our own feelings and our personal experiences are wrong, thus betraying ourselves with devastating results. We would often choose to please our parents, and significant others in life, by trying hard to meet their expectations of how we should live our life. However, by trying not to disappoint them, we disappoint the most important person in our lives – ourselves.
It’s important to understand that what you believe about yourself, usually, is someone else’s opinion that you have integrated into your own belief system. Hence, an important step in the process of self-love and self-acceptance is releasing others’ opinions about you. By making a conscious choice not to allow the opinions of others to shape your own opinion about yourself, you’ll learn to love and value yourself for who you really are.
As Thich Nhat Hanh said, ‘To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.’
When you love and accept yourself unconditionally, you‘ll gain energy that’s usually wasted in your inner conflict about who you “should” be and who you truly are. Through self-acceptance, that energy will be transformed into an awareness of your true self, which is pure love.
Remember that all you see in your world is the outcome of your ideas, your beliefs about yourself and the world. So if you want to change your reality, you should change your beliefs, your ideas about yourself. How can you do that on a practical basis? How can you find your true self?
An understanding that no one is perfect and embracing yourself with your weaknesses will help you become less judgemental. Some ways to accept yourself are:
taking care of your health and body
consistently writing positive affirmations
maintaining a daily gratitude list
creating a list of all features that you love about yourself
removing toxic people from your life
surrounding yourself with supportive and inspiring people
reading self-help books
finding and working on the higher purpose of life
doing one self-loving thing each day
learning how to forgive yourself and others
Next, try to visualise the highest vision about yourself. Then, imagine what you would think, how would you feel, how would you behave, what would you say, how would you respond to others when you become the best version of yourself. Can you see any difference between that vision and your current view of yourself? Having seen the difference between where you are now and where you want to be, begin to willingly change your thoughts, words and actions to match your highest vision about yourself. Remember that this process will require constant self-awareness and great mental effort to monitor your thoughts, words and deeds.
More specifically, you need to be aware of every thought, word and action that is misaligned with your highest vision. When you identify a view that’s not aligned with your highest vision, replace it immediately with a new, inspiring thought. When you say something that’s out of alignment with your grandest idea about yourself, make a note and immediately say something that reflects your highest vision about yourself. If you perform an action that’s misaligned with your highest vision, decide to take that action for the last time. This is how you can change your current undesirable situation with a desired one. This is how you can create the highest version of yourself. This is conscious living. And this is the path to self-realisation.
The book – Another Way of Living: A journey to Infinite Peace, Immense Joy and Infinite Freedom (Book 1) by Dr Snezhana Djambazova-Popordanoska, MD, PhD can help you to find your true self, love yourself unconditionally, and live a truly joyous and fulfilling life. This life-changing book is one of the most loving gifts you can give yourself.
What is your most powerful self-love affirmation?